To achieve your Objectives in life, an Effective Plan of Action (POA) is a must, and Marital Objectives is no exception. To resolve your conflicts, you have to create a POA and make sure you implement your POA. If you do so, you will restore love in your marriage the earliest.
No marriage is free of conflict. That’s because, every couple is made up of two distinctly different people, with different experiences, interests and emotional predispositions. Regardless of the compatibility a couple creates in marriage, a husband and wife will always have somewhat different perspectives, and those differences will create conflict. Conflicts over money, careers, in-laws, sex, child rearing, and a host of other common marital issues are part of the experience of being married
To Save your Marriage, the goal of restoring and sustaining love in marriage is much more important than the goal of resolving conflicts. Ultimately, of course, both goals are important, but make love the highest priority, and reject many popular approaches to conflict resolution because they tend to sacrifice a couple’s love for each other.
If you have seen a marriage counsellor, and have been disappointed with the results, it’s probably because you’ve spent all of your time trying to resolve your marital conflicts instead of restoring your love for each other. Even if you made progress in resolving some of your conflicts, you still may have been unhappy with your marriage. Even when a husband and wife are each other’s best friends, they often divorce when the passion is gone.
Your 5 Step Plan of Action (POA)
1) Commitment to build your Romance : Problems are not solved by chance, Chance creates problems. So if you want to keep love in your marriage, you must commit yourselves to that purpose.
2) Identify habits that Destroy Romance: It’s pointless to build romantic love if you persist in habits that undermine your effort. Make a genuine effort to identify the habits of both the spouses that Destroy Romance.
3) Eliminate the Romance Destroying Habits: Formulate a strategy to eliminate the habits that is destroying the Romance in your marriage. Conflicts should be resolved, by finding a solution that takes the interests and feelings of both spouses into account simultaneously. Once you learn to abandon Anger, Disrespect and Demands, and search for solutions that take the feelings of both of you into account, you will find conflicts much easier to resolve. But even while they are unresolved, you will remain in love with each other until you find a solution.
4) Identify your emotional needs: Emotional need of both the partners. Spend some time and list out the most important Emotional Needs of both the spouses. It’s when the most important emotional need are met, your Romantic Love Blossoms.
5) Learning to meet the Emotional Needs you have identified: Once you have identified your emotional needs, fulfilling them is easy and in your hands. Make sure both husband and wife put in serious effort to meet these needs.
If you can complete these five steps POA, you will have created and implemented your own plan to restore love to your marriage. All you need is the motivation to carry out your own plan.
But if you cannot follow your own program as evidenced by your failure to complete assignments, then, find a therapist who can help motivate you to achieve these goals you have set for yourselves.
In your effort to restore and sustain romantic love, you will discover a new way to resolve your marital conflicts. You will look for solutions that deposit love into both of your Love Banks simultaneously. Solutions that make one of you happy at the other’s expense (win-lose solutions), will not build your love, but rather will cause one spouse to lose love for the other. So you will learn to continue negotiating until you have found solutions that meet with your mutual agreement (win-win solutions).
Sustained romantic love is a litmus test of your care and protection of each other. Care is nothing more than meeting each other’s important emotional needs and protection is accommodating each other’s feelings in what you do each day. Your marriage will be passionate and fulfilling if both you and your spouse create and follow a plan that guarantees care and protection. It’s well worth the effort.
